What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
