i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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