So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
