I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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