I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
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