turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My breasts were aching with rage.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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