My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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