Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
