awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
