apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
