i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Welp...herpes.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
