she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
