he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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