I feel great
I just peed on a car
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
