dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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