I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
