i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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