i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
