I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
