my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
In other news, I just burned my penis
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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