It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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