Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
