I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
