mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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