I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
