My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
