I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
