I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
