You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
