I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
