she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Quick, to the slutcave!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
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