don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
