that's an acceptable place to lick
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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