I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
