his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
