everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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