I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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