Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
