I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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