i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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