Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
