Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
