So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
