i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize