A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
