the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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