Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
