You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
