The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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