and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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