I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
